What’s faster than a speeding bullet? Who can outrun a locomotive? Of course I’m talking about The Flash who appears every week on the TV series The Flash. Why revisit this subject so soon? Why return to this topic so fast? Why repeat myself so quickly? Well, it’s all about speed.

It’s well-established that The Flash can run really, really fast. He’s just a blur when he runs by. He’s so fast he can run on water. He’s so fast he can run up the side of a building. After all, he’s The Fastest Man Alive. And this brings me to today’s quandary. Go with me on this.

The Flash is running so fast he’s just a blur.

Each episode follows the same pattern. There’s a new super-villain in town. (They call them meta-humans but we know what they are.) Whether it’s Captain Cold, Captain Heat, Captain Lukewarm or Captain Boomerang, it’s some guy with a wacky super power or a crazy weapon. The Flash fights the bad guy unprepared – and loses! Then he comes back and fights him again – and wins! Every week, the same deal.

In each case, The Flash confronts the villain in the street to settle the score face-to-face. Usually there’s some clever dialogue like “It’s the end of the line for you, Scarlet Speedster!” Then the evil-doer unleashes his weapon/power and nearly kills The Flash. Ouch!

Now I’ve been watching the show every week and it occurs to me that in each case (correct me if I’m wrong) The Flash could simply run up behind the bad guy at super speed and hit him in the head with a pipe. Game over!

Sometimes the villain even announces when and where the battle will take place. “Meet me at 8 o’clock at Fifth and Main and we’ll see who’s more powerful.” All The Flash has to do is get to Fourth and Main by 7:59, rush up behind the villain du jour, and bop him on the head with a tire iron.

.

I wasn’t the first one to think of this.

No matter who the bad guy is, no matter what their power, it works. Instead of this showdown in the street like an old Western movie (which gives the villain a second chance to attack) just run up in a blur and hit him with a brick. None of this “I’m putting you on ice, Captain Cold.” Just – boom! – and it’s over.

Maybe The Flash likes going mano-a-mano with his antagonist. Maybe he likes delivering lines line “I’m sending you back where you came from, Captain Boomerang!” But people’s lives are at stake here. The city is in danger. There’s no time for fooling around.

So I’m saying to you, Scarlet Speedster: Next time you have to defeat Captain Fog, Captain Rain or Captain Snowstorm, don’t get in his face. Circle the block and clobber him with a bat. It will happen so fast he won’t know what hit him.

And now, the theme from The Flash (the other one).

Click the link below and run as fast as you can!