Happy End of World!

As predicted by preacher Harold Camping (who, luckier than most of us, is now experiencing his personal Second-End-Of-the-World!) Harold’s world previously ended on his predicted Judgement Date of September 6, 1994. We can only guess that Camping got that date mixed up with the day the world truly ended for his alternative self in one of Earth’s many parallel dimensions — but, he and his followers feel they’re in the right time-space location now, even if others of us have some doubt…

This all is not to be confused with the other End of the World occuring later this year — December 21, 2025 — which happens to be my birthday. I’ll be passing a certain age milestone, so, believe me when I say that day is certain to be apocalyptic!

Anyway, I felt the above image by Richard Felton Outcault, showing Buster Brown, Mary Jane & Tige cavorting in a field with philosopher Elbert Hubbard, to have a sufficiently idyllic & cult-like look to match this wonderful day! A perfect last image to hold on to, as you either rise into the clouds, or, descend into the Hellish Pits of Despair! It was published on the rear cover of the July 1908 (volume 1, number 4) issue of Elbert’s publication The Fra (not for mummies) — A Journal of Affirmation. (Elbert Hubbard, by the way, should not be mistaken for cult-founder, L. Ron Hubbard — though, since no one will be around tomorrow to fact-check, I urge you to go right ahead and conflate the two!)

Forever and (less than) a day,

Doug Wheeler

P.S., I’m sure a few of you pesky fact-checkers, will point out that 2012 is actually not in 2011. C’mon — it’s the End-of-the-World — don’t you have something (or someone) better to be doing in your final remaining hours, other than reading this blog & pointing out my mistakes?

I blame it on the ecstasy of the moment! The top of me is transforming into pure energy, giving me ringing in the ears and making me light-headed. While the bottom of me is being yanked downwards by hands reaching from the grave, like some Johnny Craig Vault of Horror cover. Or maybe it’s just the vodka & tequila mix from last night.

This rubber-band stretching of my ascendant/descendant eternal soul, is proof that the end will come via a Fermilab experiment, creating a “harmless” miniature black hole they’re convinced will either dissipate, or, exit into another dimension (where an alternate, parallel Harold Camping will once again, be proven correct)! I curse my mother for not having the courage to soldier it out and carry me for 21 months instead of 9, so I could truly joke about reaching an apocalyptic milestone on my December 21, 2025 birthday. Though let’s face it, once you’re past a certain age, every birthday is apocalyptic.